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Comment by klodolph | Hacker News Reader

What’s fun is getting the perspective from a 5'10" woman who uses dating apps.

Average woman in the US is 5'4", and if a guy pads their 5'9" to 6'0", she might not notice unless she is specifically paying attention. However, to the 5'10" woman, there’s a big perceptual difference between talking to someone who’s 2" taller than you and someone who is 1" shorter than you, and it’s not something you even pretend to not notice. (I was a bit shocked to learn that some 5'9" men had the audacity to put 6'0" on dating profiles. Like, 5'9" is average. It’s not even short, to begin with.)

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I'm 5'10" and I'm not going to lie about my height for a date. Frankly, the sort of person who would disqualify me for being too short would also disqualify me for having a disability.

I'm more interested in finding someone I'm compatible with than getting the most possible matches.

I always had a picture of me in front of a gas station exit door, showing me standing on the floor, not wearing a big hat, obviously taller than the 6' mark on the door.

I find this mental image hilarious. Thank you.

> Like, 5'9" is average. It’s not even short, to begin with.

I agree it's stupid, but I suppose the name of the game from the male perspective is to (at least appear to) be above average.

Honesty is the best policy, but I can't help but be curious about what online dating would be like if everyone was in fact honest? Most people are average, by definition, yet selective pressure in dating is for everyone to seek out those that are better than average, even though they themselves may not meet that lofty goal.

> I agree it's stupid, but I suppose the name of the game from the male perspective is to (at least appear to) be above average.

I can be sympathetic to the reasoning where men feel like that’s the name of the game, but (as the saying goes) it’s a stupid game, and if you play it, you win stupid prizes.

Someone who lies about their height to puff themselves up, to a typical observer, will appear to be insecure. Like, that’s the kind of insecurity you’d see exaggerated in a sitcom to make people laugh! My observation is that people who build build good relationships don’t ask for this kind of external validation, they don’t try to appear impressive to complete strangers, instead, they meet somebody and leave the platform. If your goal on Tindr is to “win Tindr” (which seems to be some people’s goal), your behavior is going to keep landing you back on the platform, where you “win”, instead of landing you in a relationship.

I don't think you understand how dire the situation is for most men. If you don't lie you don't get anywhere near a match. Doesn't matter how honest and self confident and secure you are. You won't get the match. If you do lie, then you have small chance at least, especially since most women will happily filter <6" guys but can't tell the difference in real life.

I'm 6'0'' and the first comment I'd get on a first date was often, "oh wow, you're actually 6'0". Lying about it is so common that women simply assume the guy is shorter.

My dating life predates online apps, but when I met my wife, I told her I was 5'8" (in-person, so it's not like I could really lie). Anyways, I might just be 5'8" with cowboy boots and perfect posture (and these days, I'm secure enough to admit I'm just 5'7"). She wasted no time in calling me on it. She's 5'4", so average height for a woman. We still joke about it today (20 years after that first date).

But, wow, the audacity to claim a 3"+ difference? That's ballsy.

That's not the only 3" difference that many men misrepresent. Especially on some dating apps.

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