This writing kind of confirms what I’ve experienced as a 1st-gen Korean American growing up in New England (so n=1).

I knew my parents meant well when they made sure I studied and did well at extra curricular activities (going to math Olympiad at MIT during summers, playing classical instruments, etc) and that type of “helicopter parenting” yielded good performance… when I had to do something that was highly structured.

But it also meant I did not do well (or was always uncomfortable) when I had to do something that’s not highly structured (basically adulting) and I felt like I had to figure out who I really was at 30 which is not necessarily a good thing.

I’m still thankful that I had parents who cared and tried best they knew how so I don’t really hold it against them, though.