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Comment by throwaway9191aa | Hacker News Reader

I'm just moving into this phase as well. The same parents that said it was ridiculous kids have phones, are now getting their kids phones. I've heard that not having a phone is essentially like knowing the whole school is invited to party, except you. I'm really not sure what to do.

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It's definitely a coordination problem. While all the kids might be better off without access to social media, the one kid who doesn't when everybody else does gets a significant alienation downside, probably more than cancelling out the benefits.

That seems more like an upside if their 'peers' are indeed so easily addicted.

It seems preferable to be alienated from such a coordinated network of addicts.

It’s not a fault of their peers to be so easily addicted, rather the blame is on engineers working hard to make 2d images and text into dopamine drugs. Otherwise you’re right. People are so oversocialized that the very thought of alienation scares them. As if today’s society is the absolute pinnacle of goodness and everyone _must_ indulge in it as much as possible.

Humans are social creatures. Loneliness due to be alienated from your peers puts you at risk for mental health issues, potentially more so than the social media you alienated yourself from your peers to avoid. Hence the coordination problem.

Nearly half of all possible human actions puts one at risk for mental health issues, to varying degrees, so that doesn't seem like a sufficient justification for intentionally addicting oneself.

My little cousins first started with an LTE Apple Watch. This allowed them to use iMessage to call/text friends and family, but prevented the use of any web browsing/social media. The downside is Apple Watches only last a few hours on LTE.

They are now ~12 years old and just received their first iPhones. Parental controls/screen time is used to limit their access to social media.

I personally refuse to use TikTok. But I know that is the main App children use today. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to handle that situation. A teenager without access to TikTok today is absolutely going to be mocked by others.

Maybe we give-in with clear boundaries and regular check-ins?

Give-in and Check-in support group :)

How old are kids these days requesting social media? I think at some point it's inevitable that they'll figure out a way on, so it's probably better to allow with boundaries and teach healthy habits early-ish. It can start getting socially detrimental to be completely off social media too, e.g. missing invites to larger gatherings.

But I have no idea how young we are actually talking here, my experience with this like a decade ago (so also not quite as harmful platforms) was handling the topic at around 13 yo.

At that time though completely restricting seemed a real gamble, some of the kids with no access snuck around and were the ones behind irresponsible shit that became school gossip. For example one kid without a Facebook made an account impersonating one of his teachers, used it to friend other teachers and see their private-ish info. Got easily caught because he also friended some of his real friends with the same account and even made some timeline posts back and forth, narrowed it down real quick.

Your kid will thank you, don’t give him/her. It’s sad to see any soul being oversocialized.

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