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Comment by abc_lisper | Hacker News Reader

The impact of this has been felt for more than a decade now. Many of my friends had trouble finding brides, despite being nothing wrong with them - as a result, some of my friends were never married and are in their 40s now. It is absolutely terrible and gut-wrenching to see this Darwinism in action, as if we are wildlife. The people who are responsible for this are all considered "decent" people in society. The values, the customs are from another era, and are not fit for anyone living in modern era. All my Indian friends, please gain some perspective and recognize the ills of "customs" too, along with the good that comes with it. The country and the world will be better for it.

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> Many of my friends had trouble finding brides

Could you elaborate on this? Maybe set some context in terms of "what culture" because this means something very different in America/Europe than it does in India I think based on the wording.

Yeah. Majority of marriages even today are arranged by the family and it becomes impersonal and somewhat crassly practical. Choices are sorted by their family's net worth, social standing, color(darker complexion is looked down), age and education. Choices usually belong to the same caste. Color has nothing to do with race, like in US. People come in all sorts of colors, even in the same family, like Mendelian flowers and lighter complexion is usually preferred.

This means that if someone is educated but comes from a poor family, they may not find a match. The irony is some of these people pulled themselves up from their bootstraps. It is hard for a groom to find a bride once they are past 30, if they didn't before, because of said bootstrapping.

Edit: Added caste.

One thing that steuck me as odd, and out right bizarre, was reading some English language newspaper in Delhi like a decade ago. My assumption, as a liberal European, was a) an English language paper most likely was read by more educated people and b) youth problems, I come to that, are more or less the same. The odd thing so was a whole bunch of readers letters, in a kind of advice collum of sorts, around the question of what to do if your parents haven't found a marriage partner for you yet! I, maybe naively, expected the problem to be the opposite. My impression was, that the younger generation seemed to more conservative regarding arranged marriages then their parents. I might be mistaken so. Back then I made a comment about how us Europeans have a probpem with arranged marriages in the Muslim world, but upheld, at the time, India as this huge, free democracy. And I made a mental note about cultural differences.

I do wonder so, what this does with the people involved. Marriage is hard enough sometimes, and yes feelings don't make it easier, but spending your whole life with a person you don't love or care about sounds horrible. As does being kind of forced to spend your live alone, if that is not your choosing.

>> My impression was, that the younger generation seemed to more conservative regarding arranged marriages then their parents.

Don't think this is true. Arranged marriages have gone down since I was a kid in India, though it is still true for majority.

>> about how us Europeans have a probpem with arranged marriages in the Muslim world, but upheld, at the time, India as this huge, free democracy.

India is a free democracy, but life revolves around family. Which is good if things work out, and utterly suffocating when not.

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