Every time I have used an ORM I end up supplementing or replacing it with a "query DSL" like jOOQ, Linq, Arel, Ecto, diesel, etc. I seem to have the opposite problem of OP: I don't often find myself wanting to hydrate some complex object graph, what I really want is some small fraction of what constitutes "an object": "get me the distinct values of this column, sorted by another column", or "get me a list of user IDs and e-mails that are subscribed to this topic", etc. Trivial to do in SQL, and much faster to do that sort of thing _in the database_, where the data is already _memory/cache resident._

ORMs, by design, bring unnecessary data over the wire for the sake of inflating parts of an object graph you don't care about 90% of the time. Most of that data will either be unused, or you are going to transform and then discard anyways. If you go out of your way to actually optimize out unused fields: now you're passing around objects with nulled-out references around your application, which is just a disaster waiting to happen.

Having a query DSL that actually maps result sets to your language's type system is the only way I've found to actually write robust, performant, maintainable code. My result sets being "too big cartesian disasters" is just not a problem I have, because I don't think in objects. I ask the database for what I want to get the job done.