I’m kind of hoping cultured human is delicious. I’m going to send a cheek swab to a PO box, and six weeks later a slab of my own pseudo-shoulder will show up packed in dry ice. My first experiment will be:

    1 kg own cultured flesh
    3 cups orange juice
    lime, kiwifruit, or pineapple juice to taste
    1 clove of garlic, mashed
    pepper and salt to taste

Combine and put in a saucepan on low heat without a lid. Let simmer until the liquids steam off and it begins to fry in the rendered fat (about 2 hours). At this point it should be very tender and break apart into threads. Serve over rice or in tacos.