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It sounds both quite beautiful but also quite sad at the same time. I feel like it describes my experience when riding a motorcycle. Not as high as climbing, I guess, but much easier to add to any day of the week for short or long runs.

I owned a motorcycle for some years, but then sold it. Years later, when I got diagnosed with cancer*, I broke up with my then girlfriend (not a healthy relationship) and bought a new 1000ccm sports bike. That was a big tipping point in my life. I went from depressive moments with thoughts of "I want to die" to depressive moments of "I hate this, I want out, but I want to live". The motorcycle gives me freedom I don't feel in a car, makes my head clear up, and I feel happier after. I guess most of the change in thought patterns was because of the Cancer looking-over-the-edge-at-death experience, but the motorcycle adds life quality in daily life that is worth the risk. So, a bit like climbing? *shrug*

*- I'm fine now. :)

It's interesting that you mention it. I'm interested ocean sailing simply becuase it gives me something to actually focus on and do. I feel that if I'm not actively struggling against nature I have too much brain spurious brain activity.

I climb (sometimes without protection), my father motorcycles.

Both of us think the other guy is gonna fucking die.

Both of us don’t really see our preferred routine dance with death as all that risky. It brings a kind of clarity.

> It dials in your mental space and all the negative thoughts flood away. You're present in the moment [...] You feel a lot better about life for days or even weeks at a time [...] the focus and calm. Does that make sense?

I think you nailed it here. A lot of our mental issues are made so much worse by twisting them in this abstract world in our minds. Doing something that is so pure and requires you to be 100% in the moment kind of destroys all of that and pulls you back to reality, it can really put things into perspective.

> It's not about "no downside"! That completely misunderstands. It's about a HUGE upside.

Let's compromise and say it's both? You're right that the upper bound experienced may be a lot higher than most may realize, but it's also true that the lower bound may no longer seem that deep of an abyss as it appears to most. Hence the mental equilibrium in-between being at a point that can seem somewhat alien to those who live more slow-burning lives.

> but it's also true that the lower bound may no longer seem that deep of an abyss as it appears to most.

> Hence the mental equilibrium in-between being at a point that can seem somewhat alien to those who live more slow-burning lives.

I suppose that requires a profound amount of empathy from both perspectives. And even with infinite empathy, at the end of the day, it's still two aliens staring at one another across a chasm.

Sounds like an addiction, which is never good.

Yes, it's a lot like an addiction. Perhaps literally.

This also gets talked about in climbing quite a bit -- people who find their path out of alcoholism or other drug use and into climbing. I'll emphasize that this is now about climbing in general, not free soloing per se.

Climbing (especially with protection) is healthier than drug addiction, in some sense. But it's displacing one addiction with another. Or introducing addiction as a coping mechanism, in the case where the pain doesn't originate from another pre-existing addiction.

But sometimes cope is healthier than the alternative, and coping can play an important role in "getting you through to the other side". As long as you do actually make it through, of course, both in terms of not dying and in terms of getting to a healthier place where you don't need the coping mechanism.

> I've never met an irresponsible soloist who wasn't a beautiful soul.

Romanticizing suicide is gross.

Demonizing people connecting with one another through shared pain is even worse.

Explicit suicide, while every adult's human right (in my view), is not precisely congruent with irresponsibly climbing things.

There is an inequality between doing something explicitly to die and doing something that may cause death but probably, usually won't.

Equating them is a mistake.

Maybe the probability of dying per climb is only a few percent. But probably goes up as the climber gets older. And if you are exposed to that high risk repeatedly, it's almost certain to kill you eventually.

Of course everyone dies eventually, but I'm guessing the life expectancy of free soloers is significantly below average.

Once you get beyond measuring the extremes like childhood & maternal mortality I think life expectancy is such a dumb stat, especially in developed countries where we rarely lead subsistence lifestyles. It should be about the contents of your life, and if you love climbing so much that you keep free-soloing to the age that it literally kills you I can't accept that as any sadder than quitting and then dying of old age.

If you do something potentially fatal enough times then fatality becomes a statistical certainty, just like Russian roulette.

Quite - free soloing and eating bacon are on the same scale just at opposite ends of it.

Neither can really be classed as committing suicide - it has an explicitly different intent.

"they died doing what they love" is often used to soften the blow of someone's death for those left behind.

Is there not some sort of romanticism in choosing how one dies?