Hacker News Reader

Comment by tayo42 | Hacker News Reader

You post online though. Could you go weeks with human contact while not having access to the internet either?

What I find so fascinating about this topic is how extroverts have such a incredibly difficult time accepting that some people just don’t need interpersonal contact. Why do you feel the need to question people as if you know more about them than they know about themselves, as if you’re trying to catch them out in a lie? Why is is so hard to accept what they say at face value?

I’m an introvert and I don’t think it’s a stupid question. When you’re alone, you’re interacting with something. A book. HN. Thoughts about what someone else did it said. Working on code on a machine built by others. So the definition of what “alone” means is quite fuzzy. In a time before writing, I suspect introvert would have been much, much rarer, since it would’ve meant interacting just with plants and animals. (Just like being single, 70 years ago, would’ve been a lot harder than it is now, with ready to eat meals, electric home appliances and Uber eats).

Perhaps I’ve just been asked questions like this too many times. More often than not, when this topic comes up someone inevitably tries to gaslight me. “Oh you interacted with a person at the cafe, you couldn’t actually live without human contact”. “Oh you use the internet, you couldn’t actually live without human contact”. I don’t like people who don’t even know me telling me I don’t know myself.

Sure you can argue the definition of alone but you’re splitting hairs. When people talk about being alone they’re referring to a lack of real-time interaction with other humans. Yes I rely on things built by other humans, that has nothing to do with being alone.

I quit my job last year and I’ve spent a lot of time alone since then. I don’t get lonely. I don’t crave human contact. I could easily thrive if I never interacted with another human ever again.

Have you watched Dick Proenneke? Dude lived alone in the wilderness. It’s on YouTube.

(Though someone inevitably suggested that there must have been some deep emotional trauma unconvinced women that made that man choose the wilderness.)

When you're interacting with something "alone" like a hobby or book, or even an online post, it's something you have control over to an extent, you can walk away from it with no consequences if you need a minute to think. With people, their preferences and feelings must be factored into all decisions you make as a group, and people often become impatient with you if you cannot answer them fast enough. To your other point, there are also more introverts now because there are more only children, which is also due to the technological advancement of reproductive control.

I am an introvert. I would probably start to feel lonely after a few weeks without human contact. However, interacting with people anonymously on a forum such as this one would have no bearing on that experience. It does not deplete my social energy, and nor does it meet my social needs. It's just not the same experience at all; it feels more like reading a book or writing a paper, which I experience as an intellectual exercise, not a social exercise.

To me, reading HN or some other site (and replying), playing online games with strangers (and no voice chat or really the need to communicate at all), etc... are largely just ways to pass time and relax. I never really thought of it as being around people in the way I would say going to a party is.

I think the drain from interacting with people for me largely comes from overthinking everything (and devoting a lot of mental energy to doing so in real time). But with replying to an online thread, I can take my time to make a reply I'm happy with, or flat out decided not to reply, which I do a lot (though I try not to if someone replied to me in a way which I could then reply to add to the conversation).

I also find the drain goes down as I build relationships and figure out the existing dynamics, and online forums give ample time for the latter to happen because I never feel compelled to get involved in the discussion before I'm ready.

Online discussions often also have the advantage of clearer feedback, though voting systems and blunt replies (where in person people tend to be less confrontational).

Personally it is more tiring IRL than online, since in online you have time to construct what you gonna say and you can correct it before sending your thought. While IRL, I need to think hard on what to say or say nothing at all.

I definitely enjoy how the timescale on the internet is less pressing. In person, people need you to hurry up and choose where to eat or what to order and what to do next. Online you have your leisure of evaluating the options.

Personally, yes. I'd imagine it varies by person though.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com