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Comment by tiahura | Hacker News Reader

Flirting is normal and healthy. If you've been convinced otherwise, you've been misled.

it's a pretty toxic thing to flirt with someone while they're "trapped" in your car. Especially if the passenger thinks they have to be polite because of certain power dynamics.

of course people should be allowed to flirt with each other but from what I've heard from female friends - do it in a bar or public, leisurely places. Not inside of an Uber etc.'

And especially if the passenger also doesn't show any special interest.

YMMV I guess. And it's a touchy topic anyways, I know more guys than I expected who just don't think that cat-calling and "no is not an answer"-flirting is pretty messed up, most of the times. And proceed to call me a white-knight snowflake when I explain my viewpoint.

What a patronizing attitude towards women - they are helpless perpetual children who lack the agency or emotional resillience to handle a driver who tells them they look nice and asks them out. I'll be sorely disappointed in myself if my daughter is triggered by a guy in an Uber flirting with her.

Boundaries are normal and healthy. If you’ve been convinced otherwise, you’ve been misled.

Unless she initiates the flirting, and does so enthusiastically, an Uber driver should assume that a female passenger is in the vehicle because she needs transportation, not a date.

I'm pretty sure the only reason my mom was in the hallway where she met my dad was to return to her apartment. Good thing my dad didn't follow your advice and started talking to her. If only people on dating sites and single bars dated, most of us would have never been born.

Attraction and flirting are natural and healthy expressions of human sexuality and not something to be ashamed of.

I recommend showing your mom the comment you wrote, and asking whether her circumstances were the same as those of the Uber driver in this scenario.

There’s an ocean of difference between being ashamed to feel attraction, vs. refraining from acting on that attraction because it’s neither the time nor the place to do otherwise. The fact that so many men can’t tell the difference is the reason why it’s better for the Uber driver to err on the side of caution.

Feeling an attraction to someone does not, by itself, give a person license to act on that attraction. The world, and the people in it, have agency as separate human beings. They don’t exist merely as a repository for men’s feelings.

Are you really unable to see the difference between an Uber driver flirting with their passenger and someone flirting with someone else in a hallway?

This is a wild perspective. Even if it’s true among people you know, but being trapped in a vehicle with some random man you don’t know is not a fantasy for most women. If you think that is a good time to throw down some moves, you’ve been misled.

Less so in situations where it's difficult or impossible for the other person to leave.

Yes but not in situations where there's there's no easy way for the woman to exit. Flirting to a captive audience isn't just playing the game.

But maybe you shouldn't flirt with your customers. Also maybe you should stop if you get a less-than-warm response when you say "hello."

Properly done, flirting with customers can be fine. But most men don't know how to properly flirt.

First, they confuse flirting with "hitting on". Those are two different things. But the main thing about flirting is that you sneak up on it. You start with interactions that are friendly and 99% innocent. The sort that will not offend or threaten anybody. If you get responses in kind, you gradually escalate. If you don't, or if they stop, then you stop as well.

In a way, flirting is more like a dance. If your partner isn't dancing with you, you need to stop doing it with them.

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