Hacker News Reader

Comment by franciscop | Hacker News Reader

Coming from Spain we have a similar difference between like and love that you don't in English so it might be difficult to grasp. Basically we have a middle-level between both of them:

1. I like you. Me gustas. Suki-desu -> very early in the relationship, or to start off

2. [blank]. Te quiero. Daisuki-desu -> formal couple, to express feelings of love

2.5 I love you -> formal couple after long time dating I believe, a bit stronger than those two terms above

3. [blank]. Te amo. Aishiteru -> poetic, life-partners, basically we can get married

The "I love you" in English sits somewhere between those two in Spanish/Japanese. If forced to put it in a group, probably the second one would be better and I'd say there's no 3rd one equivalent, since it's really not as strong as the 3rd one, but stronger than the 2nd one.

View on HN

I always thought “te amo” translates to “I’m in love with you”. The “in love” makes it very unambiguous exactly what kind of love you mean (whereas I can say “I love you” in an unromantic way, to my kids or whatever).

If you want to say “te quiero” without bringing up the word “love” (and risk being interpreted as being “in love”) you might try use phrases like “I really care for you” or talk about feeling close or that they are important to you. I agree the phrasing is awkward. I really like the Spanish phrase “te quiero” because it’s so much simpler! What is the phrase for 2.5?

The author seems to not realise in English you can say “I (really) like you - will you be my girlfriend/boyfriend?” which would imply you want an exclusive relationship. It can happen this way but I agree the prevailing culture might generally be murkier.

The thing with the 3. in both Spanish and Japanese is that they are unambiguously for romantic relationships*, if you wanted to say "I like/love pancakes" you'd say "me gustan/encantan las tortitas", with "encantan" being the superlative of like, you wouldn't use love*.

There is no 2.5 in Spanish/Japanese AFAIK? Like the 2 can be extended to include 2.5. I wanted to point that out, that IMHO in English "I love you" as a romantic phrase in a couple feels to be in a bit of an awkward position between 2 and 3; when you are starting/just a couple it's too early to say it, when you have found your soulmate and are totally in love it's not strong enough of a feeling.

* weeell, technically, "amo/amar" can be used as a figure of speech in some situations where it's not purely romantic; but it's kind of uncommon and a wordplay, like trying to describe that you are in love with pancakes everyone would understand it's not "real love", you just want to express how much you like them.

There's also "koi shiteru" which is even higher maybe "you're my soulmate"

>koi shiteru

Are you sure this isn't actually "aishiteru (愛してる)"? I've never heard of 'koishiteru', but 'aishiteru' occupies roughly the same level you described.

Actually, I have heard of 'koishiteru' (which I assume is 恋してる) but usually in the euphemistic context of sex.

Additionally, and not totally related, "soulmate", rendered in katakana (ソールメイト, sorumeito) is often used to breezily describe someone, often a coworker or classmate, with whom you have some level of camaraderie or friendship with. It is a perfectly unserious concept, which is amusing given its weightiness in English.

Miki Matsubara has answered this conundrum (or the protagonist does) in her classic, Mayonaka no Doa (Stay with Me):

> 恋と愛とは違うものだよと

Koi to ai to wa chigau mono dayo to

“Romance and love are different things”

Yes, but that's 恋, not 恋してる. Do you ever hear anyone say 恋してる? I can't say I ever have, which isn't to say that it doesn't happen, though.

恋してる is for songs and poetry, as far as I'm aware.

so, would you say "me caes bien" is 0.5?

LOL "me caes bien" is not in the scale of romantic relationships, nuances might be locale-dependent, but it's the bare minimum like "I don't hate you", like usually you'd heard it either as "respect", or as "you are okay, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning" vibes.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com