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I would love to come across a free box of gold, or a private key holding a large sum in bitcoin, or anything similar. HOWEVER, that is not because I would like to keep holding onto it -- just to convert it to cash and then convert that cash proportionally to cash/short term/long term investments.

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I'd probably hold it as is. I wouldn't ever consider converting some of my hard-earned cash into bitcoin or physical gold, but for a no-cost investment I'll take the diversification.

It's not no-cost, there's an opportunity cost.

and more importantly with no "large transaction" record, who is going to come after you?

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