I agree with the above poster. Importantly, Doodle isn't a strong enough brand to capture your point quickly and sharply.

It's important to pay respect to Doodle; however, you need to capitalise on that first sentence. I think something more to the order of, "HipBucket lets you collect payments through a single link, safely and easily."

edit: And obviously pay due respect to Doodle in a later sentence. And I love GoCardless.