I have no idea why you're making such an obviously false assertion.
These transactions obviously "count" and are useful to the entities running those 15K Lightning nodes (many on behalf of multiple customers), which can all transact amongst themselves over the network, even without touching the Bitcoin network (or occasionally doing it just to settle balances).
These transactions have almost exactly the same cryptographic and trustless assurances as normal bitcoin transactions, which are far superior assurances than those provided by traditional payment / money transfer technologies.
> No one cares about it because it is terrible technology that doesn't actually solve anyone's problems
I think you are confusing your own ideas and problems with other people's ideas and problems.
Just because you don't care about it doesn't mean that other people don't (or that even you won't in the future, if your circumstances change).