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Comment by Podgajski | Hacker News Reader

Three time attempter here. 50 something year old white make living homeless with schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. Trying to end the stigma. Ask me anything.

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What are the largest sources of stress in your life?

Can antidepressants be used for lows and you get to keep the mania, or is that dangerous, and you have to stay on stabilizers?

I hear stories about electroconvulsive therapy being used when drugs don't work, but it seems like it can result in anything from a dramatic worsening of symptoms, to nothing, to miraculous improvement and they don't know why. Has it ever been offered?

Homelessness and lack of steady work. They both led to the isolation I suffer. It’s a good thing I never cared about or appearances about being wealthier successful the other people or I would’ve had a much more difficult time with staying alive.

I’ve tried all the drugs, and none of them work to make me feel like most of you probably feel. The only thing that works consistently is Klonopin as needed. I think my major issue is a one of glutamate GABA imbalance. I can for sure trigger a mania with his little as 10 mg of Prozac.

i can cure myself but I lack the ability to do so right now because of my living situation. over the last four years I’ve had three periods of total remission lasting over three months.

Is there one thing in your life that if it changed you think would make you want to stop trying to do this?

Stable housing. But flexibility with work is what kept me from keeping jobs even though I was bright enough to teach my self networking and land a job at Cusco in 1996 making more money than I dreamed of.

If stable housing (and food) was separated from employment and your ability to fill out the correct forms on any specific timeline (i.e. it was just taken care of, clean and safe), what would be the remaining largest stressor?

Nothing but some of the environmental triggers like electromagnetic radiation, air pollution, and the weather. I’m very sensitive to having episodes in high temperature and high humid environments.

These both are things that we (society) should be able to provide. Unfortunatley, I don't know much about these things, but if you haven't do so already, I'd look to see what resources could help. This feels difficult, but I think solvable. Thank you for your response!

Been investigating the genetics behind schizophrenia. Do you have a contact I could dm you?

Oh! Now you’re talking my language! Since my disorder has a strong family history, I got into my genetics in 2014. What I’ve discovered in my genetics has helped me more than a doctor could’ve.

Email me here adiaryofdespair@protonmail.com

If you're looking for another person I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder as well.

What does the experience of being close to an attempt feel like?

Once it was a great feeling of liberation (I was going to freeze myself in a Montana winter). The other two I was so delusional I do not remember any sort of feeling, just a mental pressure. (suicide by cop, jumping off a bluff)

Is the mental illness (the label aspect of it) a big stigma or does it help?

Interesting! A little if both, it just depends on the person. Usually, I don’t tell people about the schizoaffective part because that tends to scare people more than the bipolar disorder does.

I don’t have the self stigma I used to have. I don’t see myself having a disease as much as I see myself having an environmental sensitivity. Sort of like a peanut allergy.

What can we do to help? (if anything)

Love you for asking but it is the whole culture that needs to change.

I mean having something newer that a 2001 Dodge grand Caravan to live in would be great, but…

I’m in I have no problem living my van right now but the stress of breakdown is a big trigger for me. I mean if I lose this, I’m totally homeless, and that’s a whole different game.

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