Hamas has proven that they seize the vast majority of aid sent to Gaza both during the current war and historically. That is why its leaders are billionaires.
"Israel isn't charged at the ICJ for self-defense" of course not, but that is what this war is, a war of self defense to ensure that what happened does not happen again. America is not striking the Houthis in self defense, Yemen is on the other side of the world from the US they are not a risk to America the nation at all.
Hamas is a clear threat to Israeli citizens.
Leaders can say whatever they want, they can only charge on actions. Indeed Hamas openly calls for the destruction of Israel and America. Israel has gone out of its way to avoid civilians, indeed far more than the US did in Iraq.
I hear what you are saying and I think your heart is in the right place but from my perspective if someone kills your citizens / family and remains an active threat, it is the governments responsibility to hunt them to the end of the earth and neutralize that threat in the most expedient manner possible.