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Comment by throwaway_ls | Hacker News Reader

I was suffering from really bad loneliness and depression. I caught wind that friends I wasn't particularly close with were having an LSD retreat. I was raised that all 'hard' drugs were bad and potentially addictive. But I decided to join them and to try it.

It turned out to be an transformative experience for me. And it wasn't from the LSD itself, the dose was too low to impact my brain in a lasting way. But it's helped me connect with others better in a more 'intimate' setting and build more meaningful relationships. It's been over a year and I've done it a few times since and each time it's been a great experience with others. That's the TLDR of my experience.

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My experience was sadly the opposite and it greatly exacerbated my depression and invented the thought of suicide in my mind. It’s hard because there are many people online who get angry at any mention of negative outcomes, but I have to share my side of the story too. Thankfully it is slowly improving, but it has been quite a ride since then. Maybe exactly what I needed? But can’t say those 5 years weren’t absolute Hell

Thank you for sharing. For what it's worth I absolutely believe you. In the same way that people react different to being drunk and some will get happy and some will get angry, people will react differently to each substances. I think we're all wired differently and it changes how we responses to substances and even depression.

For what it's worth I've had bad trips. i.e. a sense of impending doom, demons etc... For some reason I found the experience interesting and positive. I can see why you did not.

Let me know if you'd like to connect and discuss your experience. I would enjoy listening.

It also took me 5 years to recover from a bad trip - I believe it was so traumatic that it gave me some form of PTSD. I had actually tripped several times before and also tried other psychedelics. Completely agree that online you are met with skepticism and FUD at the mentions of these experiences, and also that maybe ultimately it did have some positives come of it (respect your body and mind and don’t be reckless? Develop mental resilience?).

After that experience, I believe that for most people the benefits do not outweigh the risks until the drug is better studied clinically. The exceptions would be those who stand to experience exceptional quality of life improvements from a treatment-resistant depression breakthrough or cluster headache treatments (which AIUI are already pretty clinically established).

That said, I am probably too curious about life and novel experiences to have ever heeded this kind of advice if it meant not satisfying my curiosity at least once. So if you’re dying of curiosity I get how it might be worth it anyway.

The worst part is that I've met a lot of people who clearly were also traumatised by their drug experience but they feel pressured to pretend it was strictly a positive experience because of these social pressures to say they are good. This happens in all kinds of spaces though. I'm also a Buddhist but I never found relief from my depression from my intense meditation practise or working with my teacher, but again all anyone can say is that "it's your fault, you did it wrong". Regarding my psychedelic experience they say "you had bad set and setting" and when I tell them that I was in a really great setting with people I trust and that I didn't feel depressed going in they just move the goal posts. People just don't believe me honestly. I think if you haven't had it happen to you it's totally incomprehensible.

But ultimately it just made me kind of sad. Why do I still have to be depressed even after having these drug experiences that permanently cured depression for others? Instead for me it just made it worse, and that really made me feel hopeless for a long time. The only reason it doesn't now is because I've finally secured some intense psychoanalysis which seems to actually be helping me.

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