As someone who grew up in the 80s, this type of minimization of personal suffering was the norm. “You don’t know how good you have it” despite real mental and physical health struggles. You either made it to adulthood, cynical and damaged, transformed your suffering into growth on your own, or ended up in some marginalized place like a mental ward. Sometimes a mix of all of the above. I think we can do better.

I remember the first time I saw a therapist she thought I may have PTSD. I thought she was nuts and never went back. It took me another decade to realize that my mother was deeply mentally ill and physically and emotionally abusive, it’s just that no one ever talked about or recognized these things as abnormal. My dad was a high functioning alcoholic. I’ve talked to other adults who went through much less than I did and left home and lived on the streets rather than deal with their family situation. But talk to my parents, everything was “fine” and “pretty normal”. I had a “good upbringing” because we were not poor or in trouble with the law.

I also had some early sexual encounters that people would jump to classify as child abuse, but they were, from my standpoint, overall positive experiences.

I don’t know where to draw the line on what constitutes trauma for someone else. It’s highly subjective. There are always things in life we must just bear. But it’s good to recognize when things are not working and to make what changes we can, and to recognize when things have long lasting impacts, and when they don’t.