people have been crapping on HP printers since at least 2003. On every single ancient forum, on every single message board, on digg, Reddit, etc.

it's quite literally on "you" if you're still buying HP printers at this point. You have absolutely no one to blame but yourself. This is what they do. This is how they operate. So stop giving them money. There are so many great alternatives. go get a Brother laser printer.