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Found a data sheet with the acoustic info (https://s4u.com.ua/assets/files/hp%205900.pdf). 65.7-70.6 dB.

That's clearly not going to be workable. Damn.

Yea, a lot of them are pretty high flow due to the density of heat generated. Most are consuming 100-200watts, and that has to all come out as heat!

So - you could consider the Mikrotik - CRS326-24S+2Q+RM

It has 2 40G, and it is very quiet (I have one)

Thanks, that seems like the right kind of thing. :)