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Comment by k-mcgrady | Hacker News Reader

>> "you don't need an application to managed personal relationships"

You do when you're keeping in touch with friends you've made throughout your life and not just your current ones. That's the thing Facebook makes easy.

Also email and writing letters don't really work. If I sent a letter to a friend I seriously doubt they would bother responding, and most people I know personally don't use email. They use Facebook. That's the big problem - Facebook has replaced email for a lot of people making it one of the only ways (besides visiting/calling) to contact them.

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> You do when you're keeping in touch with friends you've made throughout your life and not just your current ones.

Your friends are the current ones. Those other people aren't friends anymore, they're acquaintances, people you used to know but don't see anymore. Friend isn't a permanent status, it's the people you hang out with and see on a regular basis. If your only contact with a person is through facebook, they aren't your friends.

You know what? You don't get to decide who people's friends are. 30 years ago people had all kinds of friends they only got to communicate with on the phone and through letters. Non-face-to-face friendships (and romantic relationships) have existed since we had semi-reliable postal services. People happen to find things like Twitter & Facebook really helpful in this regard.

I'm not telling anyone who their friends are, I'm telling you you're using the English language sloppily if everyone in your Facebook you really consider a "friend". You've devalued the word to nearly meaninglessness. Everyone you've ever met is not your friend. Everyone you've had a friendly conversation with and looked up on Facebook is not your friend.

This is a ridiculous argument. There are plenty of people I see every day that I would consider, at best, an acquaintance. There is also a very small group of people that I see maybe once or twice a year that I would consider friends.

Your definition of friendship is outrageously shallow and is contrary to any other definition I have heard.

Agree. My best friend is moving to another state, 16 hours away. I skypechat with him on a daily basis, and he knows me like a brother. I haven't "seen" him in over two years, and when I joked that he was going to leave town without saying goodbye, he said "what will be different?"

He was right, nothing is different. It's like friends back in the 1800s exchanging letters. Doesn't mean that our friendship is less because we don't go out on Fridays and pound down a few pints.

In contrast, the people I work with, I spend far more time with, and interact directly with more frequently than my friend. Yet I wouldn't consider any of them friends.

Thank you. I for one am tired of seeing the "People you only interact with online are not friends" canard. Relationships don't work that way.

> There are plenty of people I see every day that I would consider, at best, an acquaintance.

Ditto, where did I say seeing someone every day made them a friend? If it's this "it's the people you hang out with and see on a regular basis" that wasn't meant to qualify everyone you see daily as a friend.

> There is also a very small group of people that I see maybe once or twice a year that I would consider friends.

But you see them, which is my point. If your only contact with them is on Facebook, and losing Facebook would end your contact with them; they aren't your friends.

> Your definition of friendship is outrageously shallow and is contrary to any other definition I have heard.

I don't think you've understand what I'm saying well enough to say what my definition is since you've gotten it so clearly wrong.

I'm sorry but you're moving the goal posts here.

>Friend isn't a permanent status, it's the people you hang out with and see on a regular basis.

In my post where I say "maybe once or twice a year" I am saying precisely that I do NOT see them on a regular basis.

It is not that I don't understand what you're saying, it is that you're not saying what you mean correctly.

Which I've already clarified as well as described several different ways, you're just being pedantic.

What makes you think that some of us don't use facebook in a different way to you, and only 'friend' actual friends?

It's you that's devalued the word IMHO, if you are codifying a 'friend' relationship with everyone you've ever met.

That's highly subjective. For example, if I moved abroad the people I hung out with regularly before would still be 'friends' to me. I would still care about what's happening in their lives and Facebook is a great way to continue that relationship. To me a friend is someone, not related, that I care about. Not someone that I hang out with regularly.

I'm not sure how these semantic distinctions affect the argument.

Replace the "friends" in his original post with "acquaintances," and his point stands.

Facebook is useful as a long term rolodex.

> Replace the "friends" in his original post with "acquaintances," and his point stands.

That's changing the argument, those words mean totally different things. My point is, Facebook makes keeping in touch with acquaintances easy, but isn't necessary to keep in touch with actual friends. Friends are people you see outside of Facebook.

For less introverted people, "friend" and "acquaintance" are more-or-less synonymous. See why Facebook chose the word "friend" now? (I agree with your assessment of course, I consider them very different. My best friend doesn't even have Facebook, I only succumbed a few months ago...)

> For less introverted people, "friend" and "acquaintance" are more-or-less synonymous.

Ask any of those less introverted people to name someone who's an acquaintance but not a friend, I bet they come up with a name showing that when pressed, they can make the distinction and do have different meanings for those words.

I do not believe there are people who cannot make that distinction.

> That's changing the argument, those words mean totally different things.

Sure, you're concerned he was using "friends" too loosely. I'm saying you should give him a pass. It's of course up to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_charity

And who says nerds don't understand other people?

Facebook gave you the problem that you didn't have before Facebook.

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