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Comment by the__alchemist | Hacker News Reader

I wonder how the dating world would go, given he's divorced, even before running out of money. I.e.: I think most women would immediately reject someone unemployed. (Even if he had money) Taking a risk like this while in a relationship is probably fine, but trying to start one with a stranger is likely to be significantly more difficult than while employed.

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Being single for a couple years isn’t the end of the world. Besides, he’s in the climbing community, which (at least from the outside) appears to be chock full of barely-employed attractive men and women who all sleep with each other.

I have more experience with this than most of the HN crowd. I've not been working for 2.5 years. Being unemployed is considered unattractive but if you spin it - it's not too bad. I spin it as, "I did startups in SV, one of them went public. I have plenty of money." Most everyone gets it but some women are put off by it. I'm literally taking time away from SV because I'm on the hunt for a wife. I couldn't find one after being in SV for 8 years and so now I'm in NYC where at least I can actually meet women. I've traveled a lot as well but I don't recommend that as a way to meet your future wife. Dating culture outside of the US is very different and very few women will be interested in dating someone who is traveling around. There are also other issues like being used for a green card and so on. Sleeping/dating around casually isn't as much of a thing in other countries and it's a necessity if you're going to try to form an intense bond with someone.

Overall, I think for a tech worker, the real issue is that so many women will not date a tech worker to begin with because of the low social status associated with dating a tech worker. I've met thousands at this point and it's honestly made me regret joining this industry. I do not advocate for it at all.

I think the bigger hurdle with dating beyond that anyway is physical attraction. The bar for that is really high now. Being a rock climber only attracts certain types because rock climbing tends to have more lanky builds. You better hope you're attracted to women who only want to date slim built men. That is a niche woman. As well, you can't escape your baseline genetics like height, facial attractiveness, etc. People talk about rock climbers sleeping with each other all the time but it's mostly men who are rock climbing. There are some women but the ratio is 3:1 - which means you're 2/3 chance of not getting anywhere.

The amount of sexism and stereotypes about women is astounding. I don’t feel you even see women as actual human beings, damn.

Is it sexism to acknowledge that we have 80%+ men in tech? Is it sexism to acknowledge fields like nursing and elementary teaching have 80%+ women?

You're free to exist in the real world rather than some third wave feminism utopia.

You’re making a strawman. I agree that those examples are not sexism but your post has very little to with employment percentages and more to do dating prospects and how women behave in the dating market; I think that’s what the person was talking a about.

That is correct

I mean you're not unemployed, you're retired.

I didn't notice a difference personally during a long unemployment stint. Not being employed lends a lot of free time to focus on self development and to be an interesting person which is beneficial to dating. Also, an unemployed partner can do a lot of cooking and cleaning. I used large chunks of my time to plan and create elaborate meals for working partners and keep co-living spaces spotless and organized. This is substantially more challenging for me personally to do with full time employment.

Just have to find someone else that’s unemployed? Or someone that doesn’t care? If there’s men that don’t care a woman is unemployed the reverse must be true too.

The way I see it, the more disadvantages you have the more you need to make up for it with charisma. That's how I do it anyway. Charisma is trainable. It's not easy to train, but it ultimately is trainable.

Only if your standards are high. Instead of training charisma, you can lower your standards.

If one can live with that, then that's a legit option as well

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