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Comment by bradlys | Hacker News Reader

I’ve done all that. It’s insufficient. I’m getting surgery in LA next month to help push it forward more. My surgeon said I’m one of his oldest clients for what I’m getting done. Most people at my age aren’t getting surgeries like this because it’s kinda considered “too late”. But here I am, in my mid-30s trying to stay competitive.

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How much do you expect a surgery to increase your odds of finding the partner you're looking for? Genuinely curious since it sounds such an incredible situation assuming that we are not talking about really serious surgery like trying to mitigate disfigurement or similar.

It's all very minor stuff. I've had surgery before and it was a very minor improvement. In most aspects, I look like a "healthy" adult male. The problem is that my facial attractiveness is subpar and most women I run into in places like NYC and SF have a bar that is hard to pass. Most of the women you encounter that are in relationships are not a respective audience of what you will find out in the singles market. Women who are single at 30+ in NYC/SF are a very different crowd than the ones who married their college boyfriend. Part of the reason these women are single is because of their high demands.

My hope is that one day I will be able to pass the looks threshold and be able to get matches on things like dating apps. I'm doubtful that I ever will and so that's why I am super consistent about going out and doing stuff but the brainrot from being online all the time has infected most women I run into. Most of the women I'd be compatible with just don't go out to many events where single men are.

What’s your take on finding a partner from abroad? I understand it sounds incredibly cringy and fake, but I have a couple of friends that would easily fall into the bucket of “very subpar facial+body attractiveness”, and went through their 20s without a single date. One found a wife in Eastern Europe, and one in South East Asia.

There are a million reasons to think how bad of an idea that would be (I thought the same for a while), but after many years they are still in very happy marriages, with attractive and loving wives that do genuinely seem to care about them after all these years.

It wouldn't make any sense for me. I'm looking for a professional working woman and not a housewife.

there are also professional women in those countries. but it is still an important point to consider because they may not be able to work in your country after moving, unless you move to theirs, which is what i did. my wife was always earning more than me.

Sorry to hear that. I don't know your exact situation, but if you have to resort to surgery it's clearly not just "calories in calories out and "buy yourself soke decent clothes".

I can only wish you luck.

Yeah. I think you'll find my story is going to be more and more common in the next few years. Currently, cosmetic surgery for men is heavily scrutinized but I think in the next few years it will become more like Korea. Hair transplants have already become mainstream and considered normal. It's inevitable that men will spend more time flying to other countries to get more work done. The costs in the US are obscene and way out of reach for your average male but are very reasonable in places like Turkey or Mexico.

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