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and even if you do want to carry that much cash, surely you'd want a fatter wad with smaller bills, right?

The Euro uses larger bills for larger amounts, so if showing off the cash is actually something you want, a single €500 note would have worked well.

there's a psychological bonus for heftier things

maybe if it was larger, thicker, and a more dense material. most of those matter more to the person holding it, rather than an observer, though