motorized transportation is clearly an advantage, having water squirted up your arse is, at best fetishistic, and at worst just a total waste of time/electricity.

If you can't see the difference then go right ahead and keep discussing this nonsense. Funny how the rest of the animal kingdom seems to have managed. Funny how nobody but the Japanese want these? Ever ask why the same nation that needs soiled panty dispensing vending machines also needs an electric bidet. See it for what it is, a fetish. I'm sure jonathan swift would have loved one.