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Did you consider if they were trying maybe just to save you the trip/inconvenience in the future by informing you of something most people would be able to use?

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Yes, of course. That would be more believable if it were a comment at the end of the transaction along the lines of "just in case you want to save time next time, our app has the feature"

But immediately responding before I've barely finished explaining why I'm here today is a real "fuck you, use the app and stop wasting my time" kind of message

That's the least charitable interpretation, most people aren't avoiding the app intentionally you have to adjust to the fact you're anomalous for not having a smartphone at this point.

I don't owe my bank charity. It's a business transaction - let's not confuse things.

Also, this is a bank that loves to shout about how it's keeping its branches – a promise to keep its branches open, no less.

Perhaps adjust your opinion for this context?

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