* But... after months (years?) of despair and anxiety, last few weeks something broke in me, possibly for the better. I am trying to focus on the here and now. I've bought a C64 and I plan to learn it in massive depth with my 8 year old son. I've started water-colouring, because in a world where AI perfection is cheap, I suddenly find value even in my extremely crappy but hard-earned scraps. I restarted playing guitar, poorly. I'm trying to stop myself, in my private life, from calibrating to YouTube Influencers and TikTok Content Creators and despairing that everything I could do, hundreds of people on the internet are doing better. I'm trying (it's a work in progress:) to focus on "What do I actually enjoy?" and do that, rather than focus on the runaway chain reaction our society is apparently hell-bound to follow.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still massively anxious not only about my on job, but also about my kids - they are 5 and 8 and I have NO idea anymore what job market will be like in 15-20 years, now that we are eradicating knowledge workers at massive pace. But now, the hand-made get-well card my cousin made for my wife's recovery, the hand-written piece of super-cool C64 code, and a cool but genuine and sincere clip somebody made in their backyard with a crappy camera are what I'm focusing on rather than massive, massive amount of AI generated stuff out there.