I dunno, I found the obvious, over-the-top faux-German of the original pretty hilarious, but maybe that's just me. Especially since it made the thing sound more concerning for German speakers than I imagine for English speakers. ("Schlinger" is the kind of word you'd expect in the name of a fantasy monster or WWII "Wunderwaffe"). Has some Spaceballs/Iron Sky energy to it.

But from your suggestions, "Wurstbeschleuniger" is very clever, "Wurstsatzwerfer" sounds a bit technical, "Fleischgeschütz" is um... how a german redditor might call his best piece.