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You don’t. It’s not networked. It doesn’t need updates.

In fact, updates are only a risk. You physically remove anything that can allow updates to happen + anything that allows wireless networking.

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How do you actually use funds like this? I mean, I know this is set aside for later. But if you had an emergency, how fast could you actually spend it?

Trivially. You can simply read the keys on the offline machine with your eyeballs and set up a software or hardware wallet elsewhere to access the account.

What is the offline machine even doing then? Seems like you could replace it with a sheet of paper.

How do you do the math of generating the wallet keys with a piece of paper? Such a thing is technically possible but you wouldn't want to.

Then your scheme falls apart as soon as a backwards incompatible update is adopted by the blockchain.

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