Not sure whats wrong with blending some protein powder (ON is tasty), a full avocado, spinach if your feeling frisky, whole-milk if your feeling more frisky (higher fats / a bit more protein) for a near-meal replacement (near, nothing compares to whole foods).
~400 cals or so.
Or taking it further with blending/vitamixing (so you keep the fiber) veggies.
I thought this was the most hilarious article I've read. And it was not sarcastic...