My two favorite bits are:

-- You sent an “XXX Freak Fest” into my home By which joshmn means "I invited an XXX Freak Fest into my home in exchange for money."

-- As such, I’m going to be evicted. Its subtle enough that you miss it the first time you read it until later when you get to 'my landlord is certainly going to make me move after an “XXX Freak Fest”'. Yup, joshmn has in fact not been evicted.

So, lets summarize. You went on a website, found a stranger, accepted money in exchange for your keys. Then they messed with your furniture. Now you want $87k. Oh, and you have trouble looking at people in the eyes.

I am checking with my attorney to see if there is any legal recourse I can take to recover the last five minutes of my life.