Just invest in a raspberry pi as an offline cold storage bitcoin machine. They're not expensive, and armory (or electrum) work fine on it. Make a paper backup and keep it in a safety deposit box if you have a large amount of bitcoins.
Please read my post carefully next time.
Perhaps you're arguing so vehemently in support of Coinbase because you're keeping all of your coins there? If so, I would suggest you move them to a secure cold storage wallet immediately.
Besides, I trust my mattress. It's a nice mattress made by a great VC backed mattress company. It's not like I'm putting my money under some mattress that I bought on craigslist.