Comment by pwnix_rising | Hacker News Reader

Comment by pwnix_rising | Hacker News Reader

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I think chasing women is a terrible use of one's college years. The women are mostly immature and have terrible tastes in men. Better for him to recognize that he probably won't meet a marriage-worthy woman until his mid-20s, suck it up and work hard until then.

I definitely regret having lost a lot of great learning opportunities because I was fooling around with spoiled, immature, half-formed people. Very few men, at 18, are good enough judges of character to not end up losing badly on this gamble. Most 18-year-old men have certain, umm, influences on their judgment of other people that make them pretty bad at this.

Obviously, some people luck out and meet a soulmate at 18. One of my friends met an amazing woman (also his first girlfriend) in his freshman year and is now happily married. I've seen it happen even in the US, where the average quality of women is low ("hookup culture", Sex and the City) and the odds are bad. I don't think he should count on it, and he definitely should not allow his success or failure with women to affect his concentration and work.

This assumes that a person is looking for a soulmate in university. I certainly wasn't. There's lots of benefit to dating many different women - just make sure you don't lose sight of yourself. You can't pick out the good ones if you haven't been with a few bad ones. I learned more about myself dating a few crazy girls (and it was never boring) than I did dating the straight-A overachiever.

You can't pick out the good ones if you haven't been with a few bad ones.

I don't think this is true. I know some people who luck out on the first try. Also, I know a lot of people who seem never to have dated bad people. They've dated some people ill-matched to them, and had some breakups, but they've never dated someone I consider to be a rotten person.

I think there's little to be gained by dating horrible people, except some unwanted emotional baggage. There's a lot to be gained by dating good people who aren't right for you; this is how you find out what you're looking for and refine your tastes.

Curious, I regret not getting laid in college.

Maybe it's best to accept hook-up culture for what it is, and accept that most college girls (and boys, too) are spoiled, immature, half-formed people. But where else can you find hundreds of hot young women that are looking for no-strings-attached sex?

Then again, this is Olin, which may complicate things because just about every woman you meet is almost certainly someone you're going to see again, potentially leading to much awkwardness.

Maybe it's best to accept hook-up culture for what it is

I can't do this. I haven't met her yet, but I value my future wife enough not to have sleazy hookups while I'm young. It's not fair to her. Similarly, I'm not going to go out damaging young women because some elements of society say I "should" establish my manhood by behaving badly. These are other mens' future wives; I don't have the right to do that!

But where else can you find hundreds of hot young women that are looking for no-strings-attached sex?

This can be bought. I've never done so, I don't think I ever would, and I'm generally opposed to this. However, it's a more honest style of transaction than a college hookup, wherein the woman is too drunk to be qualified as consenting (in many states) and the medium of exchange is "game" rather than money.

So long as the woman is consenting, I think prostitution is less sleazy than hookup culture. It's also probably cheaper-- the costs are well-defined; also, as long as you aren't already in a relationship (cheating is a different story) it probably won't ruin your mind or your life, which participating in the "hookup culture" that has replaced dating often does.

You will probably be disappointed when you find out that the woman of your dreams/future wife has had boyfriends before you. She may even think those experiences that you disdain so much made her a richer person.

No, I expect that, and I'll have had girlfriends before her. That's normal. Hookups and one-nighters, on the other hand, are sleazy, unnecessary, and detrimental.

I strongly disagree. College is a great time to take the next, probably awkward step with the opposite sex. If you don't, you're stuck learning those skills while you're in "the real world", a setting which is generally less amenable to meeting lots of people who are around your age, thus inhibiting your rate of learning.

The goal is not to meet a soulmate at 18, but to become comfortable interacting with potential soulmates.

College is a great time to take the next, probably awkward step with the opposite sex. If you don't, you're stuck learning those skills while you're in "the real world", a setting which is generally less amenable to meeting lots of people who are around your age, thus inhibiting your rate of learning.

You have a really strong point here. I guess my argument would be that most of what happens with the opposite-sex is detrimental and unpleasant, and can derail a young man from actually learning and getting some work done.

In an environment where earnest dating still exists, respect between the genders is the norm, men are prized for their intelligence, character and culture rather than shallow traits such as social status "game", and sleazy hookups don't happen, I'd argue in favor of entering the dating scene as soon as possible. In that arguemnt, I'd argue that everyone (who's single) should jump in. Unfortunately, that's not the type of environment that exists on most college campuses (although I know nothing about Olin).

most of what happens with the opposite-sex is detrimental and unpleasant

I don't know what to say other than to quip: you're doing it wrong.

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