We went through all this over the last few years with two kids and grandparents/family on the other side of the country. Both of us work full time and have the kids in daycare. I live in Canada though where a parent (mother or father) is given 12 months of leave after the birth of a child, so the first year is a lot less stressful than it could be.

If you're letting your house get dirty and the lawn grow wild it sounds like you're doing a good job or prioritizing things. It can be a tough thing to let go of, but anything not directly related to your health or paying bills can wait until you have more time.

"Life feels like one long, never ending to-do list where we can never perform well in any area of our life (work, being parents, home, etc), and we're both exhausted."

Yes, it's really fricken hard at times. There is no other way to put it. If you have family nearby, get as much help as you can from them.

This is cheesy and annoying advice, but live in the moment when you're with your kids. The days are loooong and the years are so short.