I'll take my free stuff on a machine-stamped tray of 316 steel. I don't need anything fancy, just so long as it's piled high with the fulfillment of my every desire, provided completely gratis.
Now that you mention it, I think I would like a silver platter. Just put it on the steel one. Actually, make it two, so I can still use one while the other is being polished. And have a silver polisher bring the next tray. And make sure she has read Dune, and has a D.V.M. with a specialty in herpetology.
What's that? My choices are actually between a gaping stab wound and a turd sandwich? I'll take the sandwich, I guess....