Temporarily21

How to image it?

I have heard Discord mentioned a few times on CP catcher

https://m.youtube.com/@CPCatcher

I also had this when I was about six years old except I wasn’t in danger at that time. It was a “holy shit” experience. It has happened since. Voluntarily. Last one was at 19, which was involuntary, I thought I will lose my mind. Since then I try to reproduce it by listening to some people who I feel can help and meditating but no luck. Maybe it is not meant to be now.

Some people here are proper aholes.

I just want the best for them. Actually I would say you are the one preoccupied with the gender roles.

I will try being kind as much as possible though, thanks for the advice.

Thank you! It is hard the see who is right and who is not.

I remember that more than 10years ago, Ben&Jerry’s cost 5pounds.

How can I be a good role model to my sister? It is her that I worry about the most.

I mentioned in another comment that in two years she wants to go to Poland to study Operette. I told to my mother that this is on her. My sister doesn’t speak Polish even, she won’t have that financial support. I don’t know what to do. Do I continue like my father? He gave her some money(up to 100eur a month)for reading and good grades. I could do 50 easy. Do I try to have other hobbies and maybe something will peak her interest. I don’t know, I myself am hobbyless.

I earn more now than I would in Germany.

I tried reddit but my post was removed because - it involves someone underage or it is too personal. There are some not so active subs like rant that accepted my post and I got one reply which said that they are not my responsibily.

Yeah sometimes it is just abit too much for me. In my mind it can go all good to all bad.

What is psych?

They raised me, of course they are stronger than me. They supported me, so now I have to support them back.

The thing about the dogs was a joke, or not, I don’t know. I was just making it more absurd.

My dad was a one of a kind man. Manly, good hearted and smart. People respected him, men and women. He took good care of everyone in my family. Me on the other hand, well..

As someone else said here, it is my duty to support them.

I worry the most about my sister. My mum said today she wanted to study abroad Operrete. My mother is handling this poorly also. With father this was doable now it seems like childish dreams to me.

I do not want to have a serious talk about growing up as I am afraid she will go crazy because life is now unfair. It will be a week in a couple of hours since we found out. Dad was well meaning. She collected the money from reading books(could go up to 100eur a month) and I guess for birthday, dad took the money, added some and bought her the iphone. I do not think she is spoilt but was raised to like good things and educate.

Two days ago she asked if mother could buy her an ice cream, they would usually buy it at a discount for 3euro but now it cost 6eur. Sis said it is expensive and sadly accepted the fate. But mum bought it anyway, because well father wouldn’t have said no. Mum also said that she will continue eating good food but less if money is tight. The point is quality over quantity always and being realistic.

Again about serious talk with sister - I sometimes feel like being harsh and saying things like “dad’s gone, now is the time to grow up, you need to forget about your childish dreams and choose something realistic” might relieve me of some of the stress but I do not think is for the best for anyone of us, especially because I feel bad about it afterwards.

The advice is am looking for is more to do with how do I deal being the only male, financial advice is also welcome ofc.

Thanks! Most comments here assume they expect everything from me. I don’t think so.

That apartment is my mother’s not mine. In the end it’s her say. Her friend has a nice empty apartment but she cannot find tenants. My mum says we have already enough problems. That apartment needs renovation with money I do not have. I can dream only now. She says asking for 50euros a month would be too much.

I do not think my family are freeloaders. And I do not want it to get to that that my sister becomes one. She actually is not materialistic but dad was awarding her for good grades, reading books.

Wow, I had an idea I might not have my own family but when you said it.. I wrote this last night, after I wrote it I calmed down and have slept the night since and it does not look so grim now. I might have put too much responsibility on my self. I believe you are right, I have to put my foot down. My mother has to continue working, I will pinch in. My sister will have to work when she studies and she might have to take out loans. My father would not have allowed that.

Besides that, my dad loved good expensive stuff. Honestly, I think I should take an example from him here. This is the third appartment he has bought. So after my mother receives compensation she should have four appartments without any debt. One is for them, one is for granma, one I guess will be sold/rented out and the fourth one is where I grew up but we let a family live there for free almost because the appartment is in a state(I have and will ask them to help my mother). Also, I have my own place. This I say because you mentioned useless trinkets.

It is sad, because he was supposed to be already home now and he did not manage to insure his life last time, also he was planning to do the whole medical check that could have saved his life if he had done it earlier..

Somebody aswell said this is not my responsibility, honestly I don’t want it to be. But I do want to help. And this post is about me not being grinded into dust. I don’t want to feel like I will just leave them because it is too much.

It is just more drugs to relieve the other drug effects

This is reddit?! Almost!

Also hardcore drugs and antidotes

So 100% cash (if possible)?

In a similar boat, only I am 31. So it's been 10 years at sea.

Yes, I can watch a TikTok but I can’t just swipe them endlessly.

The speed is like 5kB/s, maybe, the speed tester is not loading so I don’t know. And last time I downloaded something I don’t remember.

I am on my iPhone now so I use Safari on my laptop I use FF. Everything is slow ofcourse. But sites like HN is fast and even FB is quite fast.

We connect to ship’s wifi hotspot, each crew member has a login/passw. Now it is unlimited (16h per day is not really a limit) but before we had to survive on 250MB per month. You could buy 100MB for 10Eur but rarely somebody used this option. As you would need to spend a lot of money to feed your apetite, might aswell stay on the 250MB.

I hear some ship’s don’t have internet at all, it depends on the owner/manager. Master ofcourse has but not the crew. When near land or in port, we use our mobile bandwidth. EU has a united plan so I use that alot. If in Africa, Indonesia, whatever local ‘businessmen’ sell you local sim cards. :)

I don’t have many apps where there is an web alternative but for reddit I use i.reddit.com, it is habit from the 250MB time but it loads faster than the regular web or the app.

For content download, I have only had offline wikipedia. And since older times we prepare at home with videos, music, books, games etc. We have problems with the internet pretty much everyday. The internet can shut down for a few hours due to “RADIUS server not responding”, the ship’s heading might not be favourable for the connection etc

Satelite.

I have 16hours allowance per day. Doesn’t load YT but loads TT with some patience.

Before that, like a year ago, we had 250MB allowance per month(!). God bless whatsapp and sites like HN.

Yes. I live in the same house(technically it’s a different house because different house nr). My parents are great. Some people think I am weird for buying an apartment 5min away from my parents. I am 31, single.

Decadence

That sounds scary

I started reading it and already have finished 20 or so chapters. I started because I want to get to that place, I know I won’t in the near future and have stopped trying to get there but reading your comment made me curious “maybe there is some angle in the book that will shift something in me and I will be there, awoke”