Well in my personal experience the salary of senior devs in very early-stage startups i've been involved with in NYC get around get about 150K + options (text processing, machine learning, AI-stuff). With 2 incomes and some savings put aside, certainly its affordable, much more so than SF from what i've seen. The dev salary here may be higher because they need to complete with wall street firms, and there are overall less very senior devs in NYC compared to SF.
NYC. Its still expensive obviously but more diverse. Not a mono-culture. Cold/long winters are not much fun. But there are nicer small classic american town in NY and Long Island, which can be affordable. Train commute is ok if you can work remote a couple days per week and get some work done on the trains. Beaches are close, skiing upstate is decent. Lots of opportunity in NYC/Brooklyn. A very nice home (4 bedroom, good schools, 1 acre, pretty area) can be had for under $1M.