cstaikos

Totally agree re: the tone. I think it's unfortunate because many folks will likely not see past it.

I think the general message he's trying to get across re: therapists is that even the best intentioned therapist ultimately puts a ceiling on one's personal growth, as the dynamic inherently implies that the client in some way needs the therapist to heal. And that therapists have little incentive to acknowledge this dynamic.

Haha yeah you really have to commit to doing the work. Your mind will likely try to distract you as uncomfortable emotions come to the surface, so you may be tempted to text people etc.

That said, going into it with intention goes a long way. For the days/weeks prior to a session I usually keep a document going and add things that come up. For example, an interaction w/ my wife or a colleague or friend may be difficult and bring up some tension that I'd like to work through, so I'll note that down. When the session comes I'll have a general idea of the areas in life where I'm feeling stuck, so I'll go into it with the intention of working through those.

During one session, the first time I mixed LSD, at one point I was thinking to myself about how the combination was clearly not a good idea since it wasn't working, and reciting in my head how I would describe this to people afterwords. Then, it occurred to me that it's not working because instead of being present with the feelings that are coming up I am distracting myself by thinking of how I'll describe how it didn't work. Once I realized this I was able to go deeper and there was release :)

I'd strongly recommend reading the book as well before you try it, there is a lot of good advice in there for how to prepare and structure a session. As several folks have pointed out, the language is super intense at times, but try to get past that (it's mostly in the beginning chapters anyways) and it's well worth the read.

I'd suggest going solo rather than w/ a sitter honestly - it can be intimidating the first time but I think even the best-intentioned sitters can bring their own hangups into the mix and get in the way. Perhaps a good middle-ground would be to have someone who knows what you're doing that you can call if you need to?

I think there are definitely parallels with a solo session and dancing w/ eyes closed at a rave - the same process really but as you say at a dance event there are a ton of distractions, and less space for really releasing when you need to. For instance, shaking has been a big part of the release for me, but it would be hard to do that at a public event w/o people being weirded out - they'd probably think you took too many drugs and need medical attention.

Re: music, yes I always listen to music, but it's been tough to find the right stuff sometimes. I have read that some folks prefer silence as well, so I'd suggest trying both and seeing what works - might be different in different sessions as well :)

Yep I've been doing T+2 hours myself!

There are services that accept small samples by mail (from anywhere) which they then test for a small fee and email you results. You can also buy reagent test kits online, though they are a bit less accurate than what the testing services use.

There are also very simple methods for "washing" what you buy to increase purity and thus dose more accurately + reduce side effects.

There is a subreddit for this also: https://www.reddit.com/r/MDMAsolo

I think the best way to profit from psychedelics is to consume them.

I would have agreed with you two years ago. I've taken MDMA socially countless times and would have thought it entirely pointless to take alone, but my experiences taking it therapeutically - first with a sitter and then totally alone - have changed my view on this entirely.

I actually have very little interest in taking MDMA socially anymore. How I see it is that as unconscious material comes to the surface, you need to be present with it or it doesn't really get processed. If you're distracted by your awesome friends there is just less space and energy for that, and what happens is you end up bringing all this shit to the surface, NOT engaging with it, and then coming down and it's still right up at the surface. This is in my experience why the hangovers suck so much. After a therapeutic session I feel drained but never hung over and depressed like I have after some social experiences.

Everyone is different of course but I say don't knock it til you try it!

I agree that the language at times is a bit intense and I find that unfortunate as it takes away from the actual message.

I would encourage you to read a bit further and see past that to the actual protocol!

Good question! Generally speaking I am more relaxed and calm, more my self! Certainly more hopeful as well, as when new challenges arise (or old ones come to the surface) I know that I have a (so-far) consistent way to dive in and resolve them.

Thank you!

Here are a few examples - happy to discuss further if you'd like:

I would say it a lot of it boils down to being more calm and my "self" in more situations, and less reactive.

My relationship with work has improved drastically - I used to be quite afraid to speak in meetings and really tried to hide in a lot of situations, but find myself much more relaxed and even enjoy expressing myself with my colleagues these days.

Also with work, I have a much easier time setting boundaries and letting work go when it's time to call it a day.

I've found my relationships have deepened significantly as well as I am less guarded and more open to intimacy.

Some of the language is a bit intense/combative, especially in the beginning, but I do understand where he's coming from.

I've done 5 or 6 solo sessions in the past year since reading this book, sometimes mixing a tab of LSD as well to go a bit deeper. They have all been different but have largely gone as described in the book. I've done a lot of therapy in my life and personal growth is a priority in my life.

As a result of these sessions I've overcome some serious challenges that I had previously assumed were static aspects of my personality. It has been challenging to be sure, but much better to deal with things head-on for a short time, than to deal with them low-key forever.

Thought the community here would appreciate this given the mild interest/openness to psychedelics.

I'd be happy to answer any questions about my experience so far, ask whatever you'd like!

[edit: missed a word]