I know what you mean by driving fast and accident - I'm glad that the accident never happened. I also totally understand when you say if I decided to take my own life, as would my mother - I've aged parents that depend on me, that's the biggest reason why I haven't harmed myself so far. Frankly though, unlike most people I'm not afraid of dying. I just want to live meaningfully and more importantly, happily, as long as I am around. All this office politics, hypocrisy etc is just tiring. One way is to just give up this made up life and go work for a non profit (volunteering is one of those few things that really makes me happy).
Shyness - this has become a big problem for me. Sometimes it is painful to see people go far plainly on talk - get that awesome job, date that nice girl and generally be very popular. This is even more true in the west, where being an extrovert is valued almost as much as any other skill. I don't know if there is a support group or something, that I can get help from.
But those are all external reasons. I still don't know why one day I am so happy, and minutes later I fall into deep depression.
If you don't mind me asking, did you do anything specific that improved your situation?