Hmm in my community it’s very odd to get married before your late twenties. Children and house come several years later (if at all). Looking at the parent and grandparent comments I think there are two main reasons for this:
(1) If you grow up around educated people, college is the obvious way to kick off a financially stable life. That means school until 22+ followed by working for as much money as possible to dig out of student debt. By the time you can breathe a bit, you’re 30.
(2) Marriage is moving from a foundation to a capstone. In my social circle, virtually nobody got married in their early 20s. They didn’t feel they could before figuring out their careers, choosing a city, having some independent adventures. Sure there was romance, but not the long term commitment and financial integration.
I think The common thread between these two issues is “hunger.” If you’re like GP and grew up in a poor area, you’re willing to take risks to get out. It makes sense to marry the best partner you can find locally and climb out together. You’re not “discovering myself before settling down” you’re pair-climbing a mountain, recognizing it’s safer with help. Hopefully when you reach the summit the shared experience will keep you together against the pressure of expansive options available there.
One key question: does marrying reduce or increase your geographic flexibility? For college-first people, you have to move around while single to build your career, then marry wherever you wind up. If you marry first, it’s harder to find a place that optimizes earning potential for both partners.
I think a lot about what this means for my own children. I want them to take more risks, but I don’t want them to fall short of what I have achieved. I want them to support themselves as early as possible, but I know education is generally a more profitable use of time. (Should they be working minimum wage jobs or studying or school nights?) There are many reasons why the youth unemployment rate is so high.