hnthroaway992

Having no life experiences is true, but there's a little bit of cheating involved, unfortunately. The only memory of childhood I have is a vague impression of a toddler's toy, an egg shaped chicken with a blue bottom that had a bell in it. Everything else? What my room looked like? What route I used to go to school? What my teachers were like? It's all gone now.

My adolescence has mostly gone the same way; I remember dropping a ball from a stairwell for physics class. I know I was in high school but couldn't tell you much more then that. My college days, I that I was in class. But I don't remember anyone's names or faces or events or what tests I took. Only thing I know for sure is that no graduation ceremony occurred. I picked up my diploma from the admin office and then never looked back.

My first real concrete memories are somewhere in between a suicide attempt after graduation, and getting a job. And there's where I've been since for the last 12 or 13 years now. That's more or less the entirety of my life. Almost 40 years of life all of it can be laid out in 3 paragraphs.

Being on HN I think is more because I frankly don't have anything else better to do. Work has slowed down and it's either scroll reddit and HN or... honestly I'm not sure what else. Sleep perhaps?

Perhaps it's just the way the algorithm on these sites skew but it does strike me a little odd that there's often articles landing in my feeds lamenting about social connection.

Why is there not as much promotion of ways of finding happiness in solitude? It would seem at least as much a solution as any this issue of distressed caused by loneliness.

Doesn't that have a slight problem for someone genuinely has no interests whatsoever?

For me there are no hobbies, no interests, no experiences, no stories, no partner, and no friends. But I have reason to continue this way, and it grants me a token of solace for the trouble.

But what of those as hollow as myself without such incentive? It would seem a painful position to be, existing as a shell of a person but without reason to embrace the isolation. What for them then?

Prostitutes are people. With their own preferences and standards. Is it truly that unbelievable to you that there's people that don't even meet hooker's standards for a client? Or that people believe that they don't meet even that standard?

Then there's those that live in countries where prostitution is illegal. How does someone that's socially awkward and has no network to speak of, look for and hire someone working in a profession that's outside the law?

On the other hand there's a degree of protection for both sides when the only insights to the other is just a small block of text that flashes on a screen. It's hard to be a disappointment when you're just a box that's garnered 15 seconds of paid for attention.

How did the lyrics to that song go? And when you ask them, "How much should we give?" Hoo, they only answer, "More, more more more!"

I gave up any hope of having meaningful relationships with other people in the name of building a good career in my life because that's what my parents wanted from me. I got into pistol shooting because it was primarily a solo activity.

Then the government passed laws decreeing that handguns have no place in civilized society. So I wanted to get into motorcycles. But that's just wrong because CO2 emissions. Now I'm being told that having space for myself, for a work from home office is wrong too because we need to increase density for the sake of efficiency.

Meanwhile price my groceries has went from $60 what I paid for in 2019 to $110 for that same bag of food. A small bag of flour went from $2.50 to $5 this year. Rice has gone from $14 to $22 for a large bag. And rent has became mad in many ways; last year average rent in this city was $1450 a month. This year, it's $1700 a month.

Then you've got one side that's yelling that we need to transition cars to electric but the nearest one to what you have is $20,000 more. And you're being told that we need to be looking at a way to get rid of the terrible CO2 emitting gas furnace for something more efficient like a heat pump. But the heat pump that can handle our climate is $15,000 to install.

Then they ban single use plastics like bags because of the issue of microplastics. And it annoys you but at this point it doesn't overly matter because you can't afford to eat out as much anymore anyways. But you're lucky enough to be able to afford rent and food, because you know people that are asking food banks for anything and being told the wait times are now at least 1 to 2 weeks because of the number of people in front of them waiting for food too.

All that verbal diarrhea to say... I'm tired. I'm tired of being told that it's my fault the world is screwed up. I'm tired of seeing seeing the roads I took to whatever little stability I have now being closed behind me. Tired of it seeming like that at some point in my future, the only thing I'll have left to enjoy will be the jab of a syringe full of heroin.

Overly dramatic yeah. It doesn't make any sense but it's how I feel. Dunno if it's anyone else that feels like this way, be a little surprised if it's really just me.