holyc

I believe you, it sounds like you're living in a form of hell on Earth as it stands.

My two cents, before thinking about the Catholic Church or any Church's claims for that matter, form a relationship with Jesus/God. You seem like a pretty tuned in person, I feel that you will find your answers. If we are made in His image, and He gave his only Son up to be tortured and killed for us, there is no way your suffering goes unnoticed.

Without that relationship, every Church is just a bunch of rules to follow, and ya, that would really suck to be involved with. God bless you on your journey.

When you get right down to the brass tacks of any system, science, philosophy, mathematics, all of them require you to take a leap of faith.

What came before the big bang? And why does it seem that all matter came from one location in space? Seems to break the second law of Thermodynamics even. We don't know. Will you put your faith in the idea that the system of science CAN EVEN know eventually?

Can set theory prove everything? We know that it cannot prove a number of things, thanks Turing. Those things end up being pretty important to proving everything evidently. Science rests on mathematics.

Why should you believe in a particular philosopher's revealed truth? Well it seems consistent with the rules of logic. Seeing as set theory is the most concrete, repeatable form of logic we've ever come up with, see the above for why thats maybe not the best stance to put your faith in.

Maybe believe in nothing? But you will believe in something, even by accident. The nature of human heart is to make idols.

All require leaps of faith at the bottom of them. Either in systems or individuals.

Brother, I believe you. It seems like you feel deeply betrayed by the Church and I can resonate with where that comes from. Please don't let this harden your heart to knowing Jesus and praying for God's grace.