painstakingly

Over the course of couple of years I went through all possible drugs the doctors could think of. Some worked but side effects outweighed the benefits. In terms of side effects Co-codamol (Codeine and paracetamol) was best but they didn't want to prescribe a version without paracetamol. Once consultant even suggested that I am making this up and I just want to get opiates and he won't fall for that. This was heartbreaking and since that point I have not asked for any treatment that relates to opiates. I have made a complaint against this consultant but the hospital dismissed it and didn't consider my appeal even though by law they must. I just have no strength to go through courts I have too much on my plate.

I am saving money to do that. I need to stay strong.

I understand. I had prescription for Co-codamol, which is Codeine and paracetamol. I had been taking it for 8 months every day maximum dose. I have not had the urge to take more but I had become worried that paracetamol will destroy my liver so I stopped. It wasn't difficult but maybe because I substituted it with Kratom afterwards. I have been taking it daily for two years now. Sometimes it doesn't work and I have to resist the feeling to get more because that will change the tolerance even more and cause downwards spiral. I read a lot about addiction and how it works so I am careful. I guess I am sad that what I take now is illegal and another alternative is also illegal. I know that any day my life can be over, not because my illness, but because someone would like to punish me for wanting to help myself with my symptoms. Doctors tried all possible drugs that are prescribed for my illness (except stronger opiates) and none helped. At this point I probably could do something in the direction of suing the government for denying me the right to health, but I have seen previous case where that gone nowhere for the claimants. Basically the system is setup that the illegal drugs are bad and your illness is just an excuse to take them. Absolute madness!

I suffer from chronic pain that is not curable. The doctors won't prescribe me any pain killers out of fear I could get addicted. Only alternative is a CBT therapy which can keep you stay relatively sane in that insane situation. Every day is a battle between should I just end it now or should I keep on surviving? I find it extremely depressing that medication that could potentially be helpful is illegal here and people seem to have no empathy whilst idea of popping heroin in hospital is totally fine. You probably know where I am getting at... I have tried cannabis but I never could get consistent quality or the same strain so 9 out of 10 times it didn't work and also made me feel impaired. On top of that at least 5 times I got sold spice (hemp flower sprayed with synthetic cannabinoids) and one time I got robbed at a knife point by a "dealer". I cannot understand why person who suffers like me has to go through that? What keeps me alive is Kratom which is also illegal but I can source it from a country where it is legal so the quality is consistent and good. I am saving money to move to a country where I can live as pain free as I can get but every day apart from the struggle I fear I'll become a criminal just because I want to live today. The system is fucked up and nobody cares.