throwawayIn2019

Perhaps. A very poor childhood. A product of foster care. I paid my way through school by working 3 almost full-time jobs at the same time plus school. This made me just keep going every day regardless. But working so much gave me no time to do anything I wanted to.

Fast forward to now. I'm over 40. I have loads of things I wanted to accomplish by now. Every day I start out at 4:30am good but once the wife and kids are up. There goes my productivity.

Plus, coding is all I have ever done. I started with c++ at 13 and to sit and write code for my own goals just brings me so much happiness. To see it working, see others using it. Hell, even banging my head against the wall solving problems makes me happy.

Thank you for commenting. I'm pretty attached to the kids, I think. They tend to flock to me. The oldest (still under 18 months) will only let me put her to bed. But interestingly enough will only let my wife feed her.

Thank you for the Wiki link. I will read it.

Thanks. We are talking about this.

Thank you for sharing. I do imagine that no matter how OK my wife is, her family will be blowing up my phone for sure. Also, I think my mom will have something to say about it. My dad will offer to take me to a strip club. You can't pick your family.

Yeah, I get why there is a shade of one-siding. What I am considering doing is worth fighting for. This means something different to each person.

I think about this too. Is this a temporary feeling?

My wife read your comment and said "I don't know if your dedication would fade."

She remembers when we were first together and I was selling my software off to a company. I had only been in Silicon Valley for 2 weeks when we met. I hadn't ever had a Starbucks and for some reason I walked by one and stopped in....what a cute Barista.

Thank you. I think I need to really consider where I am at in life and if there is a way to satisfy us both.

Thank you. Ordered. Next day.

I don't view it as selfish. Maybe I need to think that way for a change.

I view it as growth. Ensuring if I need to find a job I can. Putting out the next game that keeps food on the table (so to speak, we aren't in any danger of that). Plus, she goes out with friends and shopping. It's sort of her outlet. Mine happens to be the coding for making a living and ironically an outlet.

If you think of more words, write them, as you said you are having trouble with exact words.

Maybe we can put an addition on our house to make it a work space or move the kids to the addition and use their bedroom as my work space. It has an insanely large window and overlooks the lake.

I didn't think about this. Thank you for mentioning it.

I see where you are coming from with the snarky reply. That helped a bit actually because the other projects I have released have paid for our life together. I managed to do these a few years ago while she was traveling for work and I was caring for a relative. I need to use my time as productively as possible.

It's always baffled my why a "romantic" life needs to be so hard for both parties to agree how it should work. You just do it. You make it a priority.

Yet "romantic" life is a huge issue for so many married couples. If I asked every one of my couple friends I get I would get a 100% or at least 99%.

Thanks for sharing. Helpful.

I totally see your point.

Technically if you asked enough car dealerships the same question you will get a mixture of right and wrong. If you ask just one you get just one answer, is it right or wrong?

I think your main point of seeing one is valid. We should consider doing that.

A marriage counselor is just one person. The peanut gallery is more people giving advice from different perspectives.

How did you and your SO start talks about getting divorced?

I've thought about if I am being selfish. I'm always doing house work, running errands, running out to pick up dry cleaning, etc. I also make all the meals and general cleaning it up afterwards.

So perhaps I'm being selfish emotionally.

Thank you for taking the time to write this.

The thing is she is ok with a divorce too. She has things she wants too. It would be uncontested and I think we just need to file in court. No need for attorneys.

Snoring: We have tried everything. Weight loss, exercise, no alcohol. I started wearing ear plugs and a mask. She had a CPAP machine too. She just doesn't stick with any of it.

Earning a divorce: I'm not sure how to answer this. I need to read what you wrote a few more times.

I honestly think she just doesn't know how. I don't think she is trying to be dis-respectful. She just needs that close personal contact and interaction through out much of each day.

Our goals in life are very different. The way we work is very different.

In our state we must live apart for 1 year before being able to get a divorce. Living apart means though that we still need to sell the house, divide possessions, etc.

I have thought about both of these. It's weird, before my wife, I was very happy just living in a small place, just me, doing my work. We really do have a lot of fun.

We tried a middle ground to where we each have dedicated time each day for work and goals. However, this never implemented well. She would come in a bother me for the smallest things. I explained I need to focus and she just does it again 5 mins later. So I drop back and punt and hang out with her and the kids. When she needs to work, she gets that dedicated time. I think the main reason she is always on the phone or Skype or Zoom and therefore she is never interruptible.

I love her.

I promised "till death do us part" and I feel bad that after all this time I want to do my own thing.

I know she will move back home and I may never see her again.

She doesn't like to live alone.