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Comment by 9oliYQjP | Hacker News Reader

Or, I might just be incredibly picky. See my reply here http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=1466098. I guess that brings up another point. Some people might not have found someone offline because they're just picky. So don't presume that people "lower their standards" when they date online.

I have 16 conversations dating back to May in my inbox. Let me know if that's par for the course. The problem is, of these 16, 8 were girls that initiated contact with me and that I didn't find very attractive. Of the remaining 8, I had a date lined up with 1 that fell through, and a date currently lined up with another.

EDIT: Another stat. I sent out 39 messages from May until now. Of the 39 messages, 8 got replies. So that's about 1 in 5.

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That could also be true, those were mostly just some of the things I had learned. I also have a decent amount of girls initiate contact with me, but I'm rarely interested in them.

Since about May 20th I've initiated contact with about 40 girls. Sounds like the problem is you just aren't sending enough messages. 1 out of 8 is pretty close to what I'd expect if you have a good profile.

> The problem is, of these 16, 8 were girls that initiated contact with me and that I didn't find very attractive.

Do you mean that it's unattractive for a girl to initiate contact with you?

Not at all. The most annoying thing on OKCupid is seeing a repeat visitor that will not strike up a conversation with me until I initiate it. I actually find take-charge girls really attractive. What I meant is that I didn't find the girls who initiated contact with me so far, to be attractive. A few had very poor self esteem that I could tell just from the message they gave me. Many would say they have mutual hobbies/interests but when I probed further I realized they were lying and were the kinds of people that actually don't do much, which is also a turn off. Somewhere along the line I learned to overcome my introvert tendencies for periods of time. And I want to enjoy life with somebody who has similar interests. I go to the gym, play sports, have an active social life. I don't necessarily want somebody who is the same as me, but I also don't want somebody who's going to loaf around on the couch at home for an entire weekend. So far, girls like that seem to be initiating contact :-/

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