Instead, I got myself a reliable upper-tier ThinkPad for 2/3rds the price of a MBP (and superior hardware), installed GNU/Linux on it, and now I'm living happily ever after.
I don't know if I could go back to a MBP after this, honestly. The ThinkPad is spill-proof, sturdy, has an _excellent_ keyboard, and is pretty much the anti-MBP in every way. And it's been a dream.
This keyboard issue _is_ way worse than Apple thinks. It caused longtime customers (myself included) to entertain the thought of leaving the Apple ecosystem. And speaking for myself, I haven't looked back.