Hacker News Reader

Comment by Razengan | Hacker News Reader

What exacerbates it is that modern venues for finding someone to connect with, are all heavily controlled and/or monetized.

Services like OKCupid actually actively hinder relevant matches unless you pay them and keep paying them. Places like Reddit are hit and miss, heavily dependent on the time you post, and you not only have to risk your privacy to find good matches, you have to gain the approval of everyone else who could remove your post from visibility.

I miss IRC, but of course even that was far from perfect, and had its own risks.

This isn't just about dating, but finding friends with similar interests at all.

With 8 billion people on the planet and all the connectivity, you'd think this would be easier for everyone by now.

View on HN

For some of us IRC never went away. It’s my primary social outlet, and I’m closing in on 30.

Maybe I’m a bit special as I moved countries a fair bit in my 20s, and making friends in adulthood is difficult.

Shameless plug; if you want to join us (we are roughly 400 people) then the network is ircs://irc.drk.sc:6697/#darkscience

Please be careful! Posting links to these kind of small communities on much larger ones has a way of diluting what makes them so great in the first place - or at least severely irritating the regulars.

I understand where you're coming from, but the concept of "regulars" is one of the things that can hinder newcomers from fitting in, adding to the loneliness and isolation epidemic.

Feeling like an outsider is hard to overcome and requires effort from both parties, but it's better if a community does not make a distinction between "outsiders/newbies" versus "regulars" to begin with.

One of the saving graces of IRC is that the technical barriers to using it (compared to discord, etc) are high enough to keep out the riff raff.

As much as I love IRC, and as much truth as there is here. I can’t help but feel it’s quite elitist to put it this way.

If it's elitist to want your favorite communities to stay focused and full of friendly, like-minded people, then I'm an elitist.

> making friends in adulthood is difficult.

That's the issue. And it's exponentially harder if you weren't able to make friends in childhood either.

Can we make it a little easier through tech?

Exactly, applications like Tinder or OkCupid are made to push you to spend money. Social websites like Facebook or Twitter show personalized ads or monetize your data.

If you're someone with difficulties to meet new people, you're an easy target.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com