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Comment by macspoofing | Hacker News Reader

>Where I find this alarmingly true is when outcome/results are negative (usually ending in pain)

Pain is a very good teacher. Letting children hurt themselves and learn from that (within reason, obviously) is not a bad thing.

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I was hanging out with a friend who is also parent. As happens pretty often, the kids are all off somewhere else getting into trouble. Eventually, one starts wailing. My friend looks at me and says, "Ah, the sound of learning."

I always tell my wife is that my goal is not to keep the kids from getting hurt, just to keep them from getting maimed.

It's not just that pain is a good teacher, though it is. There is an even more vital lesson that the kids need to learn. "I can handle pain." They need to see themselves survive and push through difficulty because I believe witnessing their own resilience is the foundation of not just good self-esteem, but strong self-esteem.

In the US today, we're expected to raise our children like hothouse flowers. We get them to blossom by creating a maximally nurturing environmennt and shielding them from all possible adversity. That's maybe a good strategy if they can be shielded for the rest of their lives, but unlike orchids, eventually our kids will have to leave the greenhouse. They need to be able to handle what's out there and not wilt.

Parenting is about using our experience to avoid catastrophic outcomes for our children until they've developed enough experience to avoid those outcomes themselves.

It's more than that, but that's at the core. Love them, model good behaviors, and don't let them do irreparable harm to themselves or others.

the kids are all off somewhere else getting into trouble. Eventually, one starts wailing. My friend looks at me and says, "Ah, the sound of learning."

i am stealing that one

Especially since while you're small, falling hurts a lot less.

It's surprising to me how people consistently try to discourage traits in children which they at the same time glorify in adults.

I suppose considering how much effort society puts into raising meager people, it's only right we glorify those who manage to manage to grow as a person regardless.

I’ve also noticed that my toddler falls “better” than most adults do. If you ever take up judo, early on they need to teach you to fall correctly so you avoid injury. My toddler does most of it be instinct which is cool.

Toddlers are so far more spherical than adults

Also, much closer to the ground.

And also, they weigh much less.

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