Spoken like someone whose parents never did anything that most find unforgivable.

https://www.amazon.com/Singing-Songs-Meg-Tilly/dp/0929636627 is beautifully told story about growing up in an abusive family, written by a movie star. Who happens to be my sister. She eventually admitted that it was autobiographical. She didn't have to admit to anyone in the family though. It was hard not to put the real names back on the people I knew well.

Maturity for me meant understanding and having sympathy for why my parents acted as they did. To find in myself how it is possible to become the monsters that they were. Which I have to be able to see clearly to avoid carrying on the pattern.

But I do not forgive them. Nor could I ask for forgiveness if I had acted as they did.

> It's a little sad that Mr. Wheaton felt the need to air his family grievances so publicly.

If they were real and he was exploited, why is it unfair to discuss it? Conversation helps - this is how we make progress.

The article says his mom actively denies forcing him to be a child star and does not acknowledge his abuse. Somebody who does not acknowledge their wrongdoings does not deserve forgiveness.

If his parents did not force him to become famous, he would not need to write this blog post...

the sad part is that he hasn't found what he needs to forgive his parents. he is still hurting. and he is still searching.

i disagree that he would not be as well known now if it wasn't for his parents. are you trying to suggest that he should be thankful for that?

most child actors disappear into obscurity when they grow up. will managed to find his way, and that's entirely his own achivement.

of course without his parents he might not have chosen to be an actor at all, but he might have been happier and healthier. who cares how many people read his blog. that's not what defines his life.

It's a little different whether your parents were "just" neglecting or impatient, compared to manipulative, abusive and basically robbing you of your childhood. Would you tell a rape victim the same?

He's carried this burden for a very long time. Maybe he thought it would go away. Then he seemed to have tried therapy. This appears to be just another attempt at getting over it; shouting it out to the world. And yes, he's "lucky" he became famous so this actually gets attention. For every successful child actor there have to be a hundred kids who didn't make it but weren't treated any better by their parents. So they're just some broke-ass adult sitting in a run-down bar drunkenly rambling about it.

It's not normal for parents to 'fuck up your childhood'. It is normal for your childhood to be far from ideal because of the flaws of your parents and that is indeed something many people will have to come to terms with. But the latter is far less damaging than the first: it's like regret vs. something akin to PTSD.

Do you think there's any level of child abuse that shouldn't be unconditionally be forgiven as part of growing up?

> I've felt for a while that you truly become an adult when you forgive your parents for fucking up your childhood.

This is absolutely, voraciously bad advice and no one should listen to it.

You are absolutely an adult when you're an adult. You can cut those people right out of your life and that is an adult and valid thing to do. You are under no obligations to forgive or have a relationship with them. If they only bring bad feelings into your life then don't let them in.

He's airing a lot of people's family grievances, though, not just his. You're hearing about his because he's the one with an audience.

I'm prepared to bet a bunch of people, some of whose comments you've just read, are gearing up to talk to their families about a similar experience they had, but they have no audience at all.