Hacker News Reader

Hacker News

Comment by rubidium | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

rubidium

It’s your job. You don’t “push” your kids. You instruct them, set expectations, and enforce the expected behavior.

General advice for kids and phones:

- no phones before 12 yr old

- shared phones between 12-16 (with other siblings or the “house” cell phone that also can be used by parents)

- own phone once 16 to acclimate them to healthy use while under your roof.

- a phone box for everyone in the household that gets used between 6-10pm every day (eg phone lives in the box, can still be checked if rings but then goes back in box not pocket)

- punishments that involve loss of phone privileges. This should follow the “x7 rule” where the punishment is much more severe than the disobedience (eg don’t listen to parent, 3 days without phone)

- model good behavior yourself. No phone out when your kids are around.

View on HN

>shared phones between 12-16 (with other siblings or the “house” cell phone that also can be used by parents)

lol good luck trying to enforce that when almost every 12 year old kid has their own smartphone today. 'Your' kid will most certainly feel left-out,different and noticed and will be commented on by their friends.

> model good behavior yourself. No phone out when your kids are around.

Yeah I dont think this is a really effective way to go about this, sure I get your point, but parents(or adults in general), have way more responsibilities and pressing matters to attend to. Not saying thats always the case, but its an apples to oranges comparison here.

Liked your other comments but this one was disappointing. Kids would eat ice cream for all meals if you let them. But they don’t because parents say no. “Lol good luck… other kids” is not an appropriate response to that duty.

That said, the lockbox part is not practical I think. More workable is to avoid data plans and use screen time/cut wifi outside core hours.

> model good behavior yourself. No phone out when your kids are around.

This is probably the most important part (and the hardest, for a lot of people).

How does a consequence that's deliberately disproportionate to what they've done teach children anything? Are you trying to prepare your children for the world, or to ensure they correspond to some ideal you have imagined?

> punishments that involve loss of phone privileges. This should follow the “x7 rule” where the punishment is much more severe than the disobedience (eg don’t listen to parent, 3 days without phone)

I'm a strict parent, but... what?

This is a thing. I grew up in a conservative Christian family and saw some of this. For some families (not mine) punishment was considered the primary tool of teaching. As the Bible says: spare the rod, spoil the child.

What most people don't seem to know is the "rod" isn't something you're supposed to hit a sheep with. You nudge and guide them with it.

Good points, I'd add since a lot of kids these days have technology in general and are incorporating in some schooling and such you can add a device for single-purpose use, i.e iPad for reading, watching, demo-ing, etc. with structured timing like phone box, shared times, etc.

You've described child abuse.

Not giving unrestricted access to a smartphone to a child is child abuse? GTFO.

It's not about a smartphone, you're welcome.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com