Comment by pxtail | Hacker News Reader

Comment by pxtail | Hacker News Reader

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It's not "old man yells" - your observation is very on point, a lot of people are simply lonely for one reason or other and I think that this kind of videos or livestreams serve as substitute for real person. There are many popular services where it manifests: twitch, youtube, vtube, OF, etc.

And of course it's not only teenagers who are feeling lonely and isolated and of course answer is not simple "just have friends, lol" There are even quite popular threads from HN, examples below in the footnote.

As I already written in other thread - I'm very convinced that this need will be a target for software developments especially with what's happening recently with AI. There are even early birds like Replika AI but I belive that more will come with more and more advanced "personal assistant/companion". Vision straight from Bladerunner https://bladerunner.fandom.com/wiki/DiJi :)

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=17279773 - How do you meet new people?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=24492550 - How to Make Friends as an Adult

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32197381 - How to make friends in your 30s?

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25817605 - Can you treat loneliness by creating an imaginary friend?

To the 4 questions:

1. Go outside 2. Go outside 3. Go outside 4. No. Go outside.

It sounds dumb, but really. I'm an introvert, I have social anxiety, I've had periods where I don't see another human face for months. On the other hand I've made good friends just from random strangers talking to me in public.

Even the most socially inept can make friends. It's just a matter of placing yourself in the physical vicinity of other human beings on a regular basis. If you struggle talking to people Like I have, have a few drinks. That's been my experience anyway.

"Go outside" is not always the solution, not every city, country, society is the same and this advice sounds similar to already mocked by me "just have friends, lol".

Even if you assume that it's not difficult to met some people then it is difficult to have really meaningful relationship, not facade with fake smiles, fake greetings and bam! contact lost on a whim. It's not coincidence that true, years-long,lifelong friendships are often forged in the school, military etc. - it's just very long process to find compatible people, become even more compatible, learn to rely on each other and learn to value that. I guess this also depends on how one's definition of "friend" looks like - there are multiple other words to chose from: coworkers, acquaintances, random people, etc.

It's certainly true that very meaningful friendships are much rarer. But the only way to find them is to wade through lots of less meaningful ones.

Hell the person I consider my very best friend was just some dude I bought hash from at some point. I basically met him by accident looking for some drugs to sit at home and be alone and depressed. Then we realised we're kindred spirits, hackers, same taste in film and music, similar yet different philosophical views. We eventually ended up working together for over a year in a startup, and though we no longer live in the same city, we still try to arrange a week or two a year hanging out together hacking away on whatever we want to.

I have almost no friends from school that I keep in touch with today at all. And the ones I have on social media look like truly boring people for the most part.

> If you struggle talking to people Like I have, have a few drinks. That's been my experience anyway.

This is a lot of people's experience... and a whole lot of us really, really, really regret it years later. Alcohol is an incredibly dangerous and insidious tool to use for social anxiety. It works great at first, so you ignore the negative effects. But over time, it makes everything worse.

Drinking alcohol decreases anxiety initially, but over time causes the body to raise base anxiety levels. It also lowers testosterone, messes with the lining of the gut and gut microbiome (which can also increase anxiety and negatively impact mood due to the strong gut-brain axis of emotional regulation and signaling) and negatively impacts numerous other parts of the body.

My education around "alcohol is bad" was either warnings about bad behavior while inebriated or vague intangible health risks in the distant future, both of which were easy to ignore. Sharing because I wish someone had informed me that the drink in my 20s to temporarily blunt social anxiety would make my life so much worse by my 30s.

I'm not suggesting becoming an alcoholic, which I am not. But I have become addicted to other drugs before for similar reasons. But to say that light-to-moderate drinking will seriously worsen your life is a bit hyperbolic. It can very much help if your anxiety is so bad you can't even bring yourself to say hello to someone and if someone does, you disappear up your own a-hole. That used to be me. Alcohol helped me take that initial step of talking to anyone at all, about anything, ever. Once I did, I got more practice and I managed to get more comfortable talking to people even when sober.

One unit of alcohol can be sufficient. No need to get drunk or even be around other people who are drinking.

Drinking is just like anything else. It can be a tool or a crutch. The really hard thing me was it was so bad I couldn't even have a meaningful conversation with a therapist. And meds were a total waste of time for me(though I very much recommend trying if you think they might help).

I don't want to trivialise your experiences, but you might be unintentionally trivialising my experiences too, though I'm not at all offended :)

Strangely enough, I never even began to approach any risk of addiction with alcohol. It's puzzling to me because I get easily addicted to just about anything else, even weed.

Somewhat of a Puritanical/ probably very American take on alcohol. Most European cultures have alcohol baked into lunch and dinner meals from the teenage years, and those countries seem to have better health metrics than Americans do.

Having a few drinks is not inebriation, that's all-or-nothing thinking.

Have a few drinks to reduce social anxiety except if you're prone to addictive behaviors (in which case there are a suite of things to watch out for).

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